On Rest and Resistance
You can not fight if you don't survive. If survival means that you allowed yourself morning and a fistful of pills just to get through the day, then your place in the movement is just as secure as anyone else's.
I woke up this morning in a blind panic an hour before my alarm rang. I jumped up feeling frazzled and frightened. By the time I realized that there was no raid or need to flee or flight, I was already dizzy and my blood pressure dropped and I fell. This is how my body is reacting to this shit. I'm sharing this with you with no poetry or embellishments because I need you to know that it is real. It is normal. You are not alone.
Tomorrow, I may take more action. I will resume emails and phone calls and donations to organizations that need our support. I will schedule meetings to see what else I can do. I will write. I will strategize. I will find a corner and cry.
Today, I am in bed with my laptop trying to write this book that feels inadequate but I know is necessary. Later, I will dance to Bruno Mars and New Edition and watch a ridiculous movie about stupid people falling in love.
This is what I can do.
This is not a normal time we are living in.
Your existence is resistance. When you can do more then do more but if all you can do is just continue to live then by God please focus on that.
Some of us March.
Some of us make calls.
Some of us battle and write and tweet and challenge.
Some of us wake up.
Some of us breathe.
Some of us encourage food when it feels hopeless.
Some of us store energy.
Some of us manage one email.
Some of us remember family and friends and pull them closer.
Some of us organize.
Some of us push through.
Some of us hide under the covers until the bullets stop.
All of this keeps the movement moving. There is no one way. Allow yourself the freedom to find the fight in a way that makes sense to you. This is not normal. None of this is normal and your body is reacting to it. Your brain is trying to protect itself. Let it. That's all you can do.
Your insistence on existence is resistance.
That is an unfortunate rhyme.
I apologize for just that.